The most painful and most damaging thing I was constantly hit with as a teenager was my mom always telling me that,”all men are evil. Don’t trust any of them. They marry you and then they cheat on you and neglect the children as well as yourself. Don’t expect to have a loving marriage, men are not to be trusted;Plus our family is not known to have generated good marriages.” I have been hearing this message from my mom every single day since I was 12 years old and now I’m an adult and she still says it.
It was true for her and many other women that I saw around. Their husbands, including my father, were having extra marital affairs. They never put a dime into the upkeep of their homes nor for the upbringing of their children. My father never paid our school fees yet he was a rich man with a noble profession. He rarely gave us money for our needs and wants yet he was fed thrice by my mother. My mother was the one who paid all the bills.
I couldn’t stand it anytime she said,”men were evil…”but being a typical African child, I couldn’t just walk away or say something because it is deemed disrespectful. Everytime I heard it I got angry at my mother because she wouldn’t get a divorce and she kept getting bad treatment from my father yet she was forever complaining.she was making me fear the whole idea of marriage. I abhorred the word marriage and I never wanted to get married or even have a boyfriend.
When I got to the university I saw a lot of people in romantic relationships and they looked very happy and loved. I always didn’t feel loved but I craved love and attention so much. I got a boyfriend who loved me a lot but I broke up with him because I was scared and insecure. I didn’t believe that he loved me and I felt that I didn’t deserve to be loved. After I broke up with him I haven’t been in any other relationship.
I overthink about being in a relationship and it’s killing me. I’m not blaming my mother totally for my fear of having a love life but she laid the foundation for it. This isn’t my story, this is the horrifying story of most African children; bearing the burden of parents’ failed marriages.
I really wish every parent knows that what they say makes and unmakes their children.